The Never-Ending Struggles

This is a brand new blog for me. I have a couple others, but I need somewhere I can go when I’m feeling really down and need something to pick me back up.

I’ve said I was a Christian since the summer after third grade, when I was 9, and lately I haven’t really been feeling like it. To be honest, it’s been like that for a long time. Longer than I’d care to admit. I feel as though I’m drifting away from my church, but like I’m stuck there at the same time. Let me explain…

I always thought, when I was younger, that being a Christian was a really easy thing to do. You go to church on Sundays, you read the bible in class, you recite the verses you’re supposed to, and you sing the songs in service. However, as I grew up a little more, I realized that there’s more to it than that.

Now, I’m not going to sit here and tell you what being a Christian means – because there could be all kinds of debates about that – and I’m honestly still trying to figure out what all it means to me. Because for twelve years, I’ve been a “Christian” but since I’m 21 now, I think it’s time that I become a Christian without the quotation marks.

I always grew up being told that good Christians don’t curse and they don’t wear anything inappropriate. But I’ve seen a lot of things in recent years that proves to me that what I was taught and believed growing up isn’t always true.

Sometimes the only way to release anger or frustration is to let out a few words that aren’t exactly welcomed in church or around small children. And appropriateness of clothes is different and has to be determined by each individual person. And in the end, I think it’s up to the person wearing the clothes to determine if they are or aren’t appropriate, and if they aren’t then the wearer needs to change or make the clothing appropriate.

My Christian walk has always been a little off. I’ll think I’m in the right place but I’m really several feet (but it feels like several miles) from where I should be and not sure how to get back over there. It’s like there’s this gigantic chasm I’m unable to get across and therefore can’t live my Christian life.

I’m working on getting better, but it’s not really happening. I don’t have any good, strong Christian friends around me or in my life at all. It’s not who I’ve been in the past, and it’s still not really who I am now. It probably won’t very truly be me, but I owe it to myself to at least try to get better, and that’s what this blog is hopefully gonna help me do.

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