Something wasn’t right. I could feel it. Normally I wasn’t awake at this time of night. There had to be a problem for me not to be fast asleep.
I stayed in my bed, safe and warm under my blankets. There was this voice in my head telling me to get up and walk around. As much as I yearned to roll over and go back to sleep, I decided to get up and explore the apartment.
Opening my bedroom door, there was a draft of cold air. It was November outside, but I didn’t remember leaving anything open. Cautiously, I continued toward the living room.
Nothing was left open or broken. However I was overwhelmed with an array of negative thoughts. They were so bombarding that I collapsed in the middle of the floor. I couldn’t ignore the voices.
No one loves you
You’ll never amount to anything
You can’t do anything right
You’d be better off dead
Those things swirled around in my head uncontrollably. I heard my phone right back in my room and I crawled to get it. My boyfriend was still awake and had messaged me. He said he loves me. That was enough to silence the monsters. At least temporarily.
I sat there staring at my phone for a while, just letting it sink in. When I was finally beginning to believe that someone (and many others) love(s) me, I made myself some coffee and sat down at the table to write this.