Slowly Moving

Please forgive me if this post seems a little dreary. The weather outside is doing that to me – it’s dark already and quite cold as I sit in Starbucks writing this. I guess I more enjoy summer’s long days over winter days that grow dark entirely too early. I feel like my depression is getting worse with the cold, dark, depressing weather. I think this whole seasonal affective disorder thing on top of my depression is just getting to be too much to deal with for me right now.

I need to get into writing more on a daily basis. I’ve been doing a dear autumn thing on another blog I have, and keeping up with it, but it’s still a struggle. I feel somewhat guilty because I just do not know what to post there. I want to post about someone I lost or my depression or how I do not know what to write, but none of that seems good enough. It’s like I write something and when I finish it doesn’t seem long enough to be able to justify posting it so I trash it instead of saving it and revisiting it another time and possibly adding more.

I would write about my depression but that seems like such a repetitive topic. If I really want to write about it, then I need to come up with different angles to write about it from. Which I can totally do, I just need to actually put some effort into it.

I would write about someone that I lost, but that wouldn’t really have much interest to the rest of you. It would just be something like writing letters to them and posting them here.

I would write about how I don’t know what to write, but that almost seems redundant. I would just be writing about how I can’t think of anything that seems interesting. But with my luck, some of you would actually find that interesting.

I’m watching people in the reflection in the window and it’s somewhat entertaining. They’re doing strange things. Well, not really strange, but one of them is doing something that I wouldn’t expect to see in a coffee shop – there’s a girl painting her nails. I don’t know that I’d necessarily want to do that somewhere like this.

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2 thoughts on “Slowly Moving

  1. Well you are in luck. I enjoyed this post for its honesty. Writers block is something most of us bloggers have in common and I think can be compounded if you have mental health stuff going on. There’s been days where I’ve been unable to string proper sentences together due to intense agitation but sometimes I can surprise myself by trying out a few words and ending up with a stream! Rx

    • I’m glad someone enjoys my writing. I try to be as honest as possible on here since I can’t always be when I talk to people in person. It all comes back to my anxiety about being judged and changing the friendship with things I say. But I am working on opening up more with close friends so I have a larger support system when I need it.

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