South Dakota

South Dakota recently passed legislation that allows adoption agencies to discriminate against LGBTQIA couples. It passed, 43-20-7.

I know there are people in the world today who have very different opinions about the community than I do, but that’s not what I want to talk about. I want to share with you my feelings and opinions about the bill that SD has passed.


 

I talked with my sister about this and she said, “I wish this was something no one had to feel any way about because I wish it wasn’t a thing that happened.” And that’s how I feel about it too. But as a birthmom, maybe I have stronger feelings than someone who doesn’t know the adoption process or have any connection to it.

I feel that adoption should be available to anyone who wants to expand their family that way, LGBTQIA couples included. I honestly don’t understand why people would say that they’re not worthy of being able to adopt. It pains me to think that. LGBTQIA couples can be amazing parents, just like heterosexual couples.

Why are they different? To me, they’re not.

When I chose the family to place my daughter, I felt it that they were right. It wouldn’t have happened with the agency we used, but if the family I fell for had been part of the LGBTQIA community, it wouldn’t have mattered. At all. I knew they were right because I just felt it in my heart and my gut.

But South Dakota passing this bill that legally allows discrimination against these couples is preventing prospective birthmoms from having that same moment when looking through profiles as they just connect and know they’re right. It’s forcing couples to go through lawyers, which can be more expensive and take more time and effort.

I have a good friend, Courtney of Living Queer, who is part of the LGBTQIA community, so I asked them a few questions.

Q: As part of the LGBTQIA community, would you and your partner consider adoption?
       A: Yes we would

Q: Because you can technically pass as female, would you make it known to the agency that you are an LGBTQIA couple or would you fear discrimination and not tell?
       A: I honestly would probably fear discrimination and not tell unless I had continued my transition and couldn’t pass anymore


 

In doing more research, I’ve discovered that other states (Michigan, North Dakota, and Virginia) have similar bills that allow discrimination without fear of retribution. I wasn’t aware of this, and it bothers me. I live in one of those states.

It will also allow agencies to discriminate against single and divorced people, couples who engage in premarital sex, interfaith couples, and anyone else whose behavior or identity violates an agency’s “religious belief or moral conviction.”

Sen. Alan Solano is a Republican from Rapid City. He wrote the bill with help from a staff member of Catholic Social Services. They are an agency who will only place infants with couples who are opposite sex, married at least two years, and unable to conceive children on their own, among other requirements.


 

I don’t know why I thought that this was something new, or that similar things hadn’t already happened in other states, but even days/weeks later, it makes me upset. I hate the idea that there are couples out there who are being denied the chance to adopt. There are so many couples (straight, lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, of differing faiths, it doesn’t matter) who are wanting to adopt, but there are these rules that are preventing them from doing so with certain agencies.

And yes, I understand that there are other ways to adopt than private agencies. But that could require going through the state foster system, and that can cause more stress than necessary.

Yes, every child deserves a loving home, but some couples just don’t have it in them to handle the foster system. Especially if the child is older and can go back to their case worker and say they don’t like the family they’re with. That may be something the couple isn’t emotionally ready to face.

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NaBloPoMo – Day 11

stream of consciousness 


The things that are most likely going to happen in this country under the rule of President Elect Donald Trump are truly scary to think about…

The things that he intends to do to women’s healthcare, the LGBTQIA+ community, immigrants, and Muslims, just to name a few have so many people afraid for their lives.

One of my best friends is part of the LGBT community and, because of where they live, they’re afraid for their life when they leave home sometimes. Me? I’m lucky that I’m a cisgender, heterosexual female in that sense. (But there will be more on that in a collaboration post with them later.)

But I am afraid of what Trump will do to healthcare, in repealing Obamacare (the Affordable Care Act) and specifically women’s birth control and abortion laws. Birth control could become extremely difficult to get, and if he manages to find a way to overturn Roe v. Wade, abortions could become illegal. The thought of abortions being illegal makes me feel sick.

I’m sitting here fighting back tears as I try to write this, because, 20/20 hindsight, I kinda wish I’d waited till the election to make a decision about my birth control. But I didn’t and I can’t change what I did now. I had my IUD removed because it was causing pain that I technically could have, but really just didn’t want to deal with anymore, so I’m on the combo pill again. But I’m wondering if staying on the pill is really a good option with everything that could happen once he’s inaugerated.

My next option was originally the mini pill, but I’m thinking that something longer term would probably be the better route given what Trump seems to want to do.  So I need to call my new insurance and see what coverage would look like with Nexplanon and then see about contacting my OB/GYN to discuss things with her.

This whole thing is just scaring me..

NaBloPoMo – Day 6

Write the words you need to hear


happy birthday to me


Just because what you are feeling is different, does not mean you are broken.

Everyone deals with things differently.

You are loved – even if you don’t feel like it.

Just because you don’t match societal beauty standards doesn’t mean that you aren’t beautiful.

No matter how weak you think you are, you are one of the strongest people I know.

Pull inspiration for your makeup and clothes from the shows you love to watch and what you think your favorite book characters look like – experiment.

 

I Don’t Know How

A wonderful friend of mine wrote this one night while struggling to deal with her daughter who was having a meltdown. It is exactly the way I picture myself when I have kids in the future.

Sometimes,

I just don’t know how to console you,

Reassure you that you have validity,

Not get impatient or angry when you disobey me,

Or allow you the amount of independence you claim you have.

Sometimes,

When your sweet little self

Shows her grown up attitude

I feel….

Defeated.

Small.
Inconsolable.
Panicked.

Like whatever comes out of my mouth is a bargaining chip

Or as if I said the most awkward thing one could say to a child.

Sometimes…

When we are not listening to one another,

My heart swells and fills with anxiety, and I can’t hear what you need.

My eyes cloud over and I get stuck in a foggy loop of emotions and tears. My voice raises and you cry harder.

Sometimes…

I feel incapable of saying what you want to hear,

Or finding a happy medium.

I dislike being cross and upset

But with you, most especially.

As you grow and become your own person, I see more and more of myself behind your eyes.

I want to give you the world,

Hear you giggle,

Watch you paint your universe in color.

But I am not a teacher like your daddy.

The ability to calm and sooth you is not inherent for me when I am upset.

For that, sweet child of mine, I must confess, troubles me deeply.

But we never go to bed angry,

And we will always talk it out until we are comfortable again.

This is my promise to you sweet girl.

I hope you understand.

I just want what’s best for you

Even if my version of that is not what others have in mind.

It’ll be you and me kid,

And we are going to rule the world!

Here’s a few pictures of my friend and her daughter:

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Side-by-side comparison of mother and daughter at around age 3

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Sisterhood of the World Blogger Award

January 2nd, I was nominated for the Sisterhood of the World Blogger Award by Amy, who writes over at Under the Surface. Her nomination actually came at a good time for me because I’m hoping to get back into blogging in … Continue reading

Blogging… Why?

Everyone seems to love writing about why they started blogging. That’s not what I’m doing here. I want to talk with you about why I continue blogging. Why I haven’t stopped yet.


I look back at dates when posts have gone up, and I feel as though I’ve failed my readers.

I haven’t really had true posts of my own go up, with any regularity, in quite a while. Anything of worth that went up, was probably from someone else. Or it was part of a challenge that someone tagged me in. So I’m feeling a bit like I’ve neglected this blog. In reality, I was overwhelmed with schoolwork and simply didn’t had the time to sit down and put the effort that I wanted to into posts.

But now that it’s Winter Break, and I’ve decided that I’m taking a break from school because I want to figure things out with my wrist, hopefully I can do some post planning and get things rolling again. I’m not going to sit here and tell you that I will have posts go up every Thursday or something like that, because there are going to be things that get in the way. I don’t want to tell you that and then break the “promise” within a few weeks.


Over the years, blogging became a form of self-therapy for me. I tend to come back and write my way through things when they they get overwhelming or stressful. I haven’t done that too much recently, but hopefully that’ll change in the new year.

Because I sometimes post about what I’m going through with my mental illness, it lets people know that they’re not alone. I know that if I was in a position where I had just been given a mental illness diagnosis, I would probably be searching for other people who are in my same shoes so I could see how they’re handling everything.

Blogging gives me a chance to meet and connect with other people. Sometimes those people are in other countries. One of my good friends, who has guest posted here on CoffeeTattoos, is in Australia. Another wonderful girl that I have connected with over blogging is in the UK. This is something that can connect you with people all over the place. You don’t have to be within driving distance of your blogger friends. It’s great!

By occasionally writing and posting about different topics, I have the chance to explore different perspectives , both through my research and through other people leaving comments. It’s something that can be eye-opening – if it’s something you hadn’t thought about, to it can be irritating/angering – if someone is so set in their opinion that they’re just telling you you’re wrong, or it can spark a debate – when someone comments with their opinion just to share what they believe.

One of the last reasons that I love blogging so much is that it gives me a chance to explore different topics for

That’s Not What I Want to Hear…

About a week ago I went to my doctor, and I was told that I have Carpal Tunnel Syndrome (CT). This diagnosis has kind of brought me down, because it’s one of the leading causes that interpreters leave the field.

There’s a surgery that can be done, but I have people at church giving me conflicting opinions about it. Some are telling me to go do it, that both of them did it and it’s been fantastic. Someone else told me that their wife did it a couple years ago and hasn’t had an issue since. Then I went back later the same day for handbells, talked to other people about it, and was told to absolutely not do it, do everything I can do avoid the surgery.

Because of those conflicting opinions, I’ve been struggling with what I’m going to do.

The ladies at handbells told me to soak my arm, up to my elbow, in ice. Well, I tried that… And I can definitively say, that is NOT something that I ever want to do again! I don’t understand how it can be good for me. I might love interpreting, but I don’t love it that much…

So, because CT is one of the biggest things that pushes interpreters out of the field, I came up with a back-up plan.

If I feel that I have to back out of interpreting, I will likely do something in the administrative/secretarial field. My mom has done work like that for longer than I have been alive. I have seen the things that she does, and I can do a lot of the same things. I’m good at them, and it’s not something that I feel like I would easily get bored of doing.

I’m supposed to be going to see an orthopedist in January about my CT. I just want to see what his opinion is, and what he thinks I should be doing. This is because I want an opinion of a doctor who has dealt with something like this in more detail than just a physician’s assistant at my primary car’s office, and because of the conflicting opinions I’ve gotten at church.

When I have more information, I will update you all. But for now, I’m just pushing forward with a brace on my wrist and hope that things will get better.